the roger substitute
Allow me to introduce you to Mr. Roger- the revered rabbit vibrator. Amazingly powerful, surprisingly reliable, inordinately pleasurable. It is available 24/7, wherever and however you want it. This exquisite creation requires only the minimal investment of three AA batteries yet guarantees extraordinarily breathtaking (literally) results. What more can a girl ask for?
And all that assured ecstasy without the emotional entanglement of relationships or unwanted dependence on another person makes it an essential in every female’s life. Women can now embrace this possibility of eliminating the need to turn to men for sexual fulfillment. I am no bra-burning, men-hating feminist, just a strong independent female who rejoices in this liberating assertion of my independence. And for someone like me who does not quite luxuriate in random hook-ups, the rabbit is one convenient must-have in a single girl’s life.
I was a girl about to embark on a long-distance relationship when I received this as a birthday/farewell present from my oh-so-thoughtful girlfriends. It served as a just-in-case Plan B, should I decide not to partake in the debauchery of the hedonistic Singles Paradise that is New York City. This gesture turned out to be a prudent one, for as sad as this may sound, Mr. Roger has tide me over many nights.
With the rabbit, let me assure you that you get there EVERY SINGLE TIME. No hassle, no games, no disappointment. And most importantly, no need to fake it – it is the real McCoy every time. To all the men out there who think they are God’s gift to women, this might come as a somber reminder of your mortality. The intense vibrations of the rabbit can hardly be replicated by any guy, which substantiates my conclusion that it would be extremely difficult, if not impossible, for a guy to deliver orgasms with that intensity and consistency. Sorry dudes this sounds harsh, but reality often is.
I wonder if the insatiable desire for efficiency and speed that people in New York inevitably develop has diffused into my sexual perspective as well (gosh this sounds sad). Time is of the utmost important in this city that never sleeps because there is too much to do and see; no one wastes it. So why go through the dating process when I can rely on the rabbit for non-committal, immediate satisfaction?
Perhaps I am also becoming increasingly jaded about relationships. Living in this city and being in the industry I am in (read: testosterone-filled DUDES with too much money and an overwhelming desire to score with girls) certainly does not help my cynical perspective. It is only with absolute caution that I guard my heart against the destructive waves of frivolous relationships, and seek solace with Mr. Roger who never disappoints.
I guess it boils down to me choosing the rabbit over a one-night stand. I am not a conservative girl, nor do I judge women for indulging in their passions (in fact, kudos to those who do), but I personally do not quite fancy sleeping with someone I don’t have special feelings for. Yet the rabbit would hardly be a gratifying substitute for physical intimacy with someone I like and care for. Despite the reassuring certainty of achieving the big O with the good ol’ rabbit, it is so much more worthwhile to engage meaningfully with someone who makes me laugh. Someone who inspires me. Motivates me. Excites me. Preferably all of the above.
The best sex I have had was with, no not Mr. Roger Rabbit, but a special someone whom I was very much in love with. The emotional affiliation with another person makes the interactive experience incomparably better than a vibrating object.
That being said, I would not chuck the rabbit into a corner even if I find someone like that. After all, Mr. Roger may not be a complete substitute, but it sure as hell can be a great complement. ;)
And all that assured ecstasy without the emotional entanglement of relationships or unwanted dependence on another person makes it an essential in every female’s life. Women can now embrace this possibility of eliminating the need to turn to men for sexual fulfillment. I am no bra-burning, men-hating feminist, just a strong independent female who rejoices in this liberating assertion of my independence. And for someone like me who does not quite luxuriate in random hook-ups, the rabbit is one convenient must-have in a single girl’s life.
I was a girl about to embark on a long-distance relationship when I received this as a birthday/farewell present from my oh-so-thoughtful girlfriends. It served as a just-in-case Plan B, should I decide not to partake in the debauchery of the hedonistic Singles Paradise that is New York City. This gesture turned out to be a prudent one, for as sad as this may sound, Mr. Roger has tide me over many nights.
With the rabbit, let me assure you that you get there EVERY SINGLE TIME. No hassle, no games, no disappointment. And most importantly, no need to fake it – it is the real McCoy every time. To all the men out there who think they are God’s gift to women, this might come as a somber reminder of your mortality. The intense vibrations of the rabbit can hardly be replicated by any guy, which substantiates my conclusion that it would be extremely difficult, if not impossible, for a guy to deliver orgasms with that intensity and consistency. Sorry dudes this sounds harsh, but reality often is.
I wonder if the insatiable desire for efficiency and speed that people in New York inevitably develop has diffused into my sexual perspective as well (gosh this sounds sad). Time is of the utmost important in this city that never sleeps because there is too much to do and see; no one wastes it. So why go through the dating process when I can rely on the rabbit for non-committal, immediate satisfaction?
Perhaps I am also becoming increasingly jaded about relationships. Living in this city and being in the industry I am in (read: testosterone-filled DUDES with too much money and an overwhelming desire to score with girls) certainly does not help my cynical perspective. It is only with absolute caution that I guard my heart against the destructive waves of frivolous relationships, and seek solace with Mr. Roger who never disappoints.
I guess it boils down to me choosing the rabbit over a one-night stand. I am not a conservative girl, nor do I judge women for indulging in their passions (in fact, kudos to those who do), but I personally do not quite fancy sleeping with someone I don’t have special feelings for. Yet the rabbit would hardly be a gratifying substitute for physical intimacy with someone I like and care for. Despite the reassuring certainty of achieving the big O with the good ol’ rabbit, it is so much more worthwhile to engage meaningfully with someone who makes me laugh. Someone who inspires me. Motivates me. Excites me. Preferably all of the above.
The best sex I have had was with, no not Mr. Roger Rabbit, but a special someone whom I was very much in love with. The emotional affiliation with another person makes the interactive experience incomparably better than a vibrating object.
That being said, I would not chuck the rabbit into a corner even if I find someone like that. After all, Mr. Roger may not be a complete substitute, but it sure as hell can be a great complement. ;)
posted by jia en at 10:16 AM
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